Environmentalists Have Been Busy

There’s a war and it threatens all life on our planet based on Weapons of Mass Defecation.

The enemy ranks are filled with cows conspiring to wipe out humans with their farts and burps. Actually more burps than farts as a matter of fact. So, as our bovine friends stroll amongst shafts of fresh grass burping and farting with each step, much the same as I wandering from room to room in our house, they really are on a death march. At least that’s the way the alarmists see the way the world is.

What can we do?

The first step is to bring some analytical reality into play. There are roughly one point five billion cows roaming the planet plotting our destruction as they graze away the hours making sure their digestive systems are busy cranking out deadly methane.

Where are these evil doers? The biggest population is in India where some religions consider cows sacred.  Maybe that will insure safety and salvation from their wrath of gasses.

The census of cows shows this:

  • India is home to over 330 million cows.
  • Brazil is the home to the second largest number of cows, with more than 210 million living in the country.
  • It’s followed by China, which has just over 100 million cows.
  • And, in the United States we feed on the milk and slaughter from our heard of 94 million.

If it is true that these Weapons of Mass Defecation are doing us in, we need to work on the other billion or so plus cows around the globe. We may stand a better chance of getting Kim Jing Un to trash his nukes.

To drill this down to science, just what are these animals doing to us.

The plant diet of cows is high in cellulose where microorganisms break down the cellulose into carbohydrates. Methane is produced as a by-product of this process.

Just how bad is this gas?

Methane is a very powerful greenhouse gas. One pound of methane traps twenty-five times more heat in the atmosphere than a pound of carbon dioxide. Methane is also the main ingredient in natural gas. Because methane can be captured, it can be burned to produce electricity, heat buildings, or power garbage trucks. Capturing methane before it gets into the atmosphere also helps reduce the effects of climate change. Since America is the world’s largest producer of natural gas, maybe we can sell those cow farts to other countries.

Has methane from animals in the past had a negative impact on our planet?

Go way back in time to the dinosaurs. They managed to walk around eating plants, farting, and burping for two hundred and fifty million years. Just cutting one Brontosaurus fart could fill a hot air balloon. That didn’t end their time here. A giant asteroid ninety three miles wide crashed into earth sixty-six million years ago. That big rock cooked up two thousand three hundred seventy degrees; some really hot global warming.

The methane didn’t get them, bad luck in the solar system did.

Before we run out of luck trying to outrace an asteroid, pile the kids in the minivan and head to McDonalds for a happy meal. Let’s get the environmentalists back to doing what they do best. Stop cutting down trees to erect giant steel and glass solar panels. Check out our other article on Common Sense.